What am I sticking to?

To be frank, I don't know what am I sticking to! I am so worried about the future.I am not happy. I know maybe it is he that is still sticking to the relationship. I mean , we are so different. I cannot get what I want from him. I can definitely tell that he will not see my blog. He even doesn't care! What he wants is a good girl to be his girlfriend ,then wife! I am so lonely! But I am still sticking to it!Why? We both are good persons. But why can't we feel each other!? What's wrong?! I don't know how long can I still stick to it! I'm going crazy!

My greatest achievement in my life.

It is discouraging to think that I haven't got any achievement so far in my life. But I can tell you my most amazing experience in my life. I hope it will happen again. In fact ,I 've always been waiting for it. In my second year of senior high school, I suddenly grew up. I conquered myself. I know what I was doing and I can follow my plans. I can help and comfort my mother from the bottom of my heart. I think I find the true happiness. I didn't worry much about my future, nor did I care too much about the others' remarks. I can decide quikly. In a word,I was satisfied with my state at that time. Although I deny confessing I 'm a sensitive girl, the fact is that I am. Nothing can help me find the true happiness except my own feelings. During that time ,I find my lifetime good friends. I love my feelings at that time.

How can I get into the real culture here?!

I've said many times that it seems everything here is the same to me as that in China. I like the food here as they are really delicious. I like the people here as they are really friendly, considerable, and helpful. I like the landscapes here as they are really stunning. I like the teaching here as they really suit me. However, when I take a close look at it, I find myself still out of the real American culture here because of the party night I spent several days ago.
I really want to play games, dance, and talk with them. But I just cannot conquer the fear in my heart. In short ,I'm afraid of losing face and being laughed at. Actually I can be as crazy as them when playing and dancing. I know I can . But there're too many "but".
Till now, I still don't have a good American friend. Maybe it is bacause I'm not good at making friends even in China. What I need to do now is to treat them like my friends and conquer the fear inside my heart. I can do it.

If I'm in America,but I'm not in college.

If I'm in America,but I'm not in college and I have the chance to work in the Wall Street,I'll work there and try to be an real AMERICAN. Maybe it is because the facilities here are so advanced,maybe it is because the movies here are so exciting,or, most importantly,it is because the spirit here is also what I want. I want the freedom.I want to do whatever is the truth. I don't want to be frustrated, and my heart needs to be purefied. Maybe the real America is not as good as the one I have imagined. And actually I think the real thing I want to do is to change.I'm still not satisfied by myself. I want a new life.