Deserved to be memorized.

Today I stepped futher to the real generation of 1980s. I'm younger. Thanks to my dear boyfriend. He is really awesome! Tomorrow will be better.

Home

I thought I would not miss home. However, I do, though just a little. I don't want to mention it as I'm so afraid it will break me down. Life here is normal for me now. Halloween is coming and we are honored to be invited to the president's house then. What kind of costume should I wear? I'd better think about it seriously.

Complicated.

I am so tired of being a member of people. I thought I am sociable. However, I am not. I'm so afraid of others' words and thoughts about me. Sometimes people will misunderstand a simple thing and I don't want to explain it as I don't want to make the thing more complicated. I want to be alone and enjoy the simple and peaceful life. However , mon told me not to be alone. It's such a complicated world for me. Or , I am too complicated for the world.

I am tired.

Sometimes I am tired as I am such a sensitive animal. Sometimes I think I am too young to know the true meaning of love. Sometimes I got hurt , but no one was with me. At that time , I feel so lonely. I am so naive. Or I try to be naive. I don't want to be involved in the complicated world. My boyfriend said I am not practical. No, I am not. I know that till now I still don't have enough courage to face the reality. I am trying to be independent, but I failed especially when I was lonely and tired. I am still not strong enough. But I believe. In the future, I will be better.

What am I sticking to?

To be frank, I don't know what am I sticking to! I am so worried about the future.I am not happy. I know maybe it is he that is still sticking to the relationship. I mean , we are so different. I cannot get what I want from him. I can definitely tell that he will not see my blog. He even doesn't care! What he wants is a good girl to be his girlfriend ,then wife! I am so lonely! But I am still sticking to it!Why? We both are good persons. But why can't we feel each other!? What's wrong?! I don't know how long can I still stick to it! I'm going crazy!

My greatest achievement in my life.

It is discouraging to think that I haven't got any achievement so far in my life. But I can tell you my most amazing experience in my life. I hope it will happen again. In fact ,I 've always been waiting for it. In my second year of senior high school, I suddenly grew up. I conquered myself. I know what I was doing and I can follow my plans. I can help and comfort my mother from the bottom of my heart. I think I find the true happiness. I didn't worry much about my future, nor did I care too much about the others' remarks. I can decide quikly. In a word,I was satisfied with my state at that time. Although I deny confessing I 'm a sensitive girl, the fact is that I am. Nothing can help me find the true happiness except my own feelings. During that time ,I find my lifetime good friends. I love my feelings at that time.

How can I get into the real culture here?!

I've said many times that it seems everything here is the same to me as that in China. I like the food here as they are really delicious. I like the people here as they are really friendly, considerable, and helpful. I like the landscapes here as they are really stunning. I like the teaching here as they really suit me. However, when I take a close look at it, I find myself still out of the real American culture here because of the party night I spent several days ago.
I really want to play games, dance, and talk with them. But I just cannot conquer the fear in my heart. In short ,I'm afraid of losing face and being laughed at. Actually I can be as crazy as them when playing and dancing. I know I can . But there're too many "but".
Till now, I still don't have a good American friend. Maybe it is bacause I'm not good at making friends even in China. What I need to do now is to treat them like my friends and conquer the fear inside my heart. I can do it.